We've probably all heard about them, known one or even been one before: Drama Queens, plain Janes and Petty Bettys. I mean, how come all these negative connotations are mostly related to us ladies? Or have you ever heard of a Drama King, a plain Kevin or a Petty Peter? No? Exactly, me neither (although they very much do exist).
Women just have this stigma that all these negative things that involve Drama and pettiness relate to us. We can definitely see that there is an attack on unity amongst women looking at all the gossip, envy and Jealousy among us. But I also believe that these things should be an issue of women in the world not of women of God.
Yet we've probably all felt it before. That little feeling that starts in your heart, shoots to your brain and then makes you say something that should actually be nice but somehow isn't. The thing with jealousy is that it much like pride, comes in disguise. Veiled and coated in a sneeky comment, look or attitude. It's not plain like love and grace but it takes a lot of discernment to know if you're a jealous person.
One thing I can tell you is that if you've ever been jealous before: congratulations you're a human being. And that's not really the issue that we have. The issue begins when we allow that little feeling to become our attitude. Watch that no seed of Esau grows in you. We need to take envy, malice and Jealousy by it's root by examining our hearts daily.
Lately I've been posting a lot about envy and Jealousy on my Instagram and that's not because I was trying to come for people or send subliminal messages to someone, implying that they are jealous of me but because it actually affected me. I was the one struggling with the little seed of jealousy and bitterness as I watched people get apartments and their dream homes seemingly in a blink of an eye, while Emmanuel and I are still looking. Seeing people get married on YouTube meanwhile we can't seem to agree on a wedding date for our church wedding and the list goes on and on and on.
I like to keep it real here on Ashley En Vogue because I am convinced that openness and authenticity brings healing to others. Instead of pretending that I'm perfect I'd rather share my struggles and how God helps me to overcome them. So although there are many Bible stories about the negative consequences of jealousy, I chose my own life and story to share four ways God helped me deal with Jealousy.
1. Count your blessings
Yes, jealousy is human but it's definitely not of God. The enemy wants to discourage you by magnifying all the things you don't yet have and make you forget about how far God has brought you already, how He provided for you in the past and came through for you when you needed Him most. There's always a reason to praise God. The forgetfulness of man is a crazy thing...it just takes one bad thing to happen in our day that can make us forget about all the good things that happened to us all week. This is why we need to practice remembering God's goodness and be intentional about it.
In Psalm 77 David said But then I recall all you have done, O Lord; I remember your wonderful deeds of long ago. They are constantly in my thoughts. I cannot stop thinking about your mighty works.
Psalms 77:11-12 NLT
Remembering what God has done for us in the past gives us hope for the future.
2. Understand the dangers of comparison
They say comparison is the thief of joy and its true. What makes it even more dangerous is that social media increases the risk of comparing your reality to someone's fake life that they portray on the internet. One thing you should know before comparing your life, marriage, kids and even spiritual walk to someone else's is that youll never know someone' story unless you've walked in their shoes before. You don't know the prayers they have prayed, the sacrifices they made and the work they had to put in to get to the place they are now. And trust me if you knew you wouldn't envy them anymore in most cases.
Comparison blurs the truth that where you are right now in life and what you have is all you need. It turns everything into a competition that will have you desire things for the wrong reasons and distract you from being who God uniquely created you to be as your putting all the energy into comparing and competing with everyone else.
3. Take it by the root
The Bible tells us to be careful not to let any seed of bitterness grow in us as it happened to Esau (Hebrews 12:15). This shows us that bitterness is the root of ungodly things like malice, strive and envy and if we don't take care of it while it is still a tiny little seed it will grow into a tree bearing bad fruits. It's about pulling down the little thoughts of jealousy before they turn into strongholds.
For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,
II Corinthians 10:4-5 NKJV
What that means is that we shouldn't be afraid to unfollow certain pages, stop entertaining certain conversations with certain people and distance ourselves from environments that aren't good for us and cause us to be jealous. We have to take control of our minds, not waring according to the flesh but taking these thoughts captive. By being honest with yourself and with God you'll keep your heart pure, outsmarting the enemy and guarding your heart, ears and eyes from anything that could defile you in the long run.
There are a few female preachers on social media that I just had to distance myself from...not that they know I exist but because my admiration for some of them turned into a bit of an obsession and I started comparing myself to them, wishing my life would be as great and glorious as theirs. It's only because I disciplined myself and deliberately put them out of sight that I was able to fight the jealousy and idolizing that was slowly developing in my heart. When it comes to jealousy, there's no mercy whatever has to go has to go in order for you to be the woman God wants you to be.
4. Pray
I know we all want some magical quick fix to this but there are no short cuts for long term issues. Prayer is the only thing that allows us to really deal with jealousy on it's level because jealousy, like every other thing is a spirit. Before it's an emotion, feeling or thought it is a spirit that needs to be cast out by prayer.Now, you might think that's exaggerated but even throughout the Bible we see how jealousy has caused brother to kill brother (Cain and Abel) and sisters to fight each other (Leah and Rachel). And even evil alliances to be formed (Herod and Pilate) There are some people who have nothing in common except the mutual dislike and jealousy against a person that can cause an evil friendship to be established. Hanging on the phone for hours gossiping in bitterness and anger about someone else's blessings. Don't let it be you, Sis. Pray yourself out of such danger the very moment it appears.
As soon as I noticed these thoughts coming up I knew I had to pray and be completely honest with God. I told Him exactly how I felt watching others get all the things seemingly so easily that I've been praying for for months. And it was only then and there, in my most vulnerable moment where I showed the ugliest side of myself that God gave me peace and reassurance.
"What I can do for others I can certainly do for you"
What God does for one of His children He can do for all. There's no need to envy anyone for anything. God is Faithful and He always comes through for those who are pure. That's why the enemy desires to temper with our faith and plant seeds of bitterness that will block our blessings.
Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God...yes, we shall see God in our lives. We shall see the Lord doing the very things for us we saw Him do for others and know that God has not forgotten us. He cares for all His children that He will never deliver our mail to someone else's address.
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