It was the night before our traditional wedding. I fell into the big and soft hotel bed, exhausted and tired from decorating, organizing, and rehearsing the dance for the big day tomorrow. Listening to the soothing sound of my mum snoring and fast asleep right next to me, I found myself tossing and turning all night. As tired as I was it was this one thought that kept me up that night, this one sentence that echoed in my spirit: " You're not a trophy wife! You've got to work and you have to work hard."
While Emmanuel was out with his Swedish crew, discovering Hamburg with his boys, having what you could call his bachelor's night fit for a church boy, God kept me up. And this is one thing I love about God. He never sends me into new territories unarmed and unprepared. He provides the tools and the wisdom that I need wherever He sends me to. In life, in ministry, and now in marriage.
If you would have known me 10 years ago you would know that being a trophy wife is all I ever really wanted to be. Oh yes! I'm so serious. I had a very well-thought-through plan and idea of the good-looking, thick and tall American football player that I wanted to marry and the kind of life we would live. I've watched enough basketball wives and real housewives of Atlanta to see the beautiful houses, the luxury cars, the constantly made-up nails, hair, and makeup to decide for myself as a 17-year-old girl that this is what I want for my future.
And well, I'm not really disappointed to inform young, 17-year-old Ashley that things didn't work out as planned but they turned out a lot better. I had a plan but God had a purpose for my life. Today I'm married to a God-fearing, kind, loving, prayerful, and amazing man who actually looks like an American football player ( yup...Emmanuel is definitely my type), and things couldn't have turned out better.I didn't end up as a trophy wife -I'd rather consider myself the complete opposite- because I was never called to be one at all. You see, the words and the clarity God gave me that night about what it actually means to be a Godly wife was so necessary because it showed me the importance of laying the old material girl down and picking up the mantle of the woman I was created to be by God.
God has a blueprint and design for us that society, culture, and especially social media often corrupt. They give standards, requirements, and expectations for women that are completely contradicting the word of God. And just in case you've been reading this prolog and have been asking yourself what in the world is Ashley even talking about and what is a "trophy wife" even supposed to be in the first place, just leave it to me to break it all the way down for you and lead you through the profound differences between a Godly wife and a trophy wife. Let's go!
- You're a treasure not a trophy
To society, a trophy wife is a woman who marries a very rich, successful, and powerful man to enjoy all the assets of being "the wife of ..." without having to work hard for anything. Just like a nice medal, an award, or an object that you put on a shelf and bring out for special occasions to brag about to your friends, nice to look at and used as a tool to help validate the owner of how amazing he is and to boost his ego. This description alone shows us how this idea of a wife has absolutely nothing to do with a God-kind of woman. God's heart for His precocious daughters will never be that we will be mere objects that a man uses to show off. Our Father calls us Treasures worth more than rubies(Proverbs 31:10), and the man is commanded to present her to himself (not to his friends or colleges) without blemish, spot, or wrinkle.
27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
A trophy is an object considered as a status symbol for a man while a woman of God is a valuable treasure. A trophy is always on a shelf where it gets filled with dust and dirt since the owner probably only dusts the dirt off, polishes, and presents it whenever people come over. But God told husbands to cleanse their wives by the washing of the word of God to present her to himself! Now that's a huge difference to be your husband's trophy or his treasure worth more than rubies that he cleanses you in the word of God as his godly assignment.
2. From the shelf to the frontlines
A trophy wife is supposed to stay in her place, which is behind her husband, where she can never outshine him. She's meant to be an accessory to the man, a nice asset that is pretty enough to be noted but never supposed to outdo the husband. That's not God's design for a Godly wife at all.
The woman was taken from the man's side, not from his back.
We were never supposed to fall for the whole "behind every strong man is an even stronger woman," - it's supposed to say beside every strong man... We are supposed to be his co-worker and helper right beside him, working alongside him to accomplish God's will. That myth of Godly wives hiding behind their husbands is a lie from the enemy. God created us to help our husbands.
22 Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.
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The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.”
Just like in a company you would hire the best one for the job. Someone loyal, diligent and passionate about the company's vision. Maybe even someone more skilled in certain areas than you are so that they can be an advantage to the team. Exactly! 'Bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh', meaning Adam recognized a lot of himself in Eve as well as parts that he missed in himself. Someone just like him who is created in God's image, who is strong where he is weak and weak where he is strong. Someone who complements him in his assignment. Not a pretty woman who is weak, so he pushes her to the back. Gone are the days where wives are pushed to the kitchen for food and the bedroom for sex and babies. God is calling us to the Frontlines to be an excellent addition to our husbands. It's time we repossess our positions by our husband's sides and refuse to be pushed to the backs and placed on a shelf.
3. A Kingdom-Business Woman Not A Sugar Babe
This brings me to my third point in this comparison that trophy wives depend on the money, fame, and careers of their husbands. The word trophy wife and gold digger are interchangeable for most people. Their men often serve as some kind of sugar daddy's who provide every material need of the woman in exchange for her just looking pretty. Yet Godly wives are hard working.
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. Proverbs 31:31
One thing God told me that night is that I shouldn't be too proud to get my hands dirty or too afraid of my fingernails to crack. I have assigned you to be the woman that I can send into the field with Emmanuel. Because the harvest is plentiful but the Labors are only a few (Matthew 9:37). Working in the field and reaping the great harvest has nothing to do with a glamorous and pretty life like that of a trophy wife. It's actually a lot of hard work. No place in the Bible tells us about the Proverbs 31 woman not working for her money. Give her the fruit of her hands... she considers a field and buys it.
Forget feminists and look at God's heart for His daughters in marriage. He wants us to be hardworking not just relying on our husbands. And that isn't just what He wants for us financially but also spiritually. Just like many women rest in the fact that their husbands are prayerful and spiritually on track God wants us to study the Word, pray, fast, and seek Him just as much. Don't rely on your husband just because he is the provider or the priest of your home. Be as hardworking and spiritually charged as him and work alongside him in God's Kingdom.
4. Gifted by God not gained by achievements
A Godly wife is a gift from God created to bring a solution to a problem that developed back in Eden.
The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18
It wasn't Adams's nice car or house or well-paid job that qualified him to get Eve. She was given to him by God as a Gift when He saw a need. And the Bible tells us that he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor - not from men- but from God (Proverbs 18:22). A trophy wife on the other side is a gift from man. Attained by human efforts and status that is there today and could be gone tomorrow. Whatever is achieved in our own strength and wisdom is not stable. Let a man pray for you and seek the heart of God to get you rather than being impressed by a flashy lifestyle and sweet words that can't sustain you. A trophy is earned by playing games and the best player wins but a treasure is found by digging. Through sweat and hard work. Never desire to be a man's trophy when you were called to be his jewel and treasure worth more than rubies. Called to be on the frontline, working right next to him to achieve all God has for you.
A godly wife is not a trophy wife. There is so much more to us. Let's rediscover our God.-given roles as Godly wives. Let's shake off the dust from standing on a shelf for too long and start shining like the beautiful jewels that we are.
Who can find a capable wife? She is far more precious than jewels.- Proverbs 31:10
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