So at the young, tender age of 24 (don't judge me), I decided to dip my innocent toes into the dating pool for the very first time and I was shocketh, to say the least. Everything I thought was completely normal (e.g. I never kissed a guy, never drank or smoked, never been to the club) apparently wasn't so normal. The first guy I met was a fine American athlete but far from godly. So as we started talking I got confronted with a lot of questions: Why are you a 24-year-old virgin? How come you never had a boyfriend? Why are you waiting and what are you waiting for? And to be honest with you, at that point...I didn't really know why. Isn't that just what they do as young church girls?
In a short amount of time that I spent getting to know this guy I started questioning my purity, my believes and even my God. (Read about that in my Blog Post "Nice For What?" ). Next thing I knew I found myself in my first little, big identity crisis at 24 which other girls probably experience at the age of 14. Embracing this whole Fabolous life of a church girl thing wasn't really as cool to me at that point. So after getting my heart broken by this fine, handsome but far from anointed young fella, I fixed my crown and changed my strategy. Now I was about to get my life and get me a handsome nice-looking man of God...oh yeah that was the plan. One who would appreciate my virginity would join me for bible studies twice a week, who would pray for me and with me, who would volunteer to have morning devotions with me at 6am and who's desire would be to present me before the Altar without blemish, spot or wrinkle according to Ephesians 5:27 (I know right... talk about relationship goals) So that was the plan but that wasn't the case though.
Like I told you in my "Unequally Yoked With An Believer" Video there are "Christians" and then there are "Christians" if you know what I'm saying (This I didn't know back then) There are those who believe that reading a verse a day, praying before bed and attending a church is enough (no judgment here just not my thing) and then there are those who are looking for more. Who want to go deeper. Who understand the concept of holiness, godliness, and the Kingdom. Me not knowing what I wanted or needed found myself in a relationship with a so-called Christian who had a different concept about purity than me.
In this time my purity was really tested because to this point I was a virgin because no one ever tried to convince me to give it up. This being my first relationship, of course, I wanted it to last and give it my all and found myself compromising here and there. I wanted to please the guy so much and felt constant fear of losing him if I'm not going to do certain things. It got pretty dysfunctional pretty fast and the Lord had to pick up all the shattered pieces of my heart once again.
If you have to compromise to get it you'll have to compromise to keep it.
The truth hurt and I didn't understand why God allowed me to go through all of this mess. All these sleepless nights and tears for a guy I wouldn't even talk to if I saw him on the street now feels like such a waste of time and energy. But what Lord allowed me to understand through these experiences was the kind of girl I am and the identity I have in Him. I shouldn't be afraid to tell people: "Look, I'm not that kind of girl. But I can tell them the kind of girl I am.. I am that young, fly, yes I go to church every Sunday, I love God and I have a scripture for every occasion kind of girl. And I'm going to be more than enough for a guy who is looking for a kind of girl like me.
I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, Do not stir up nor awaken love Until it pleases.- Songs of Solomon 8:4
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